Reptile-Treasures.com - Poem

So...

I get up this morning, have a little snack, and go to my favorite super
secret hiding place underneath the end table. I usually do this, and then, of course, come out to glare pitifully at my human around 1 PM for snack #2, once I've convinced myself that The Evil Lawn Men are not going to make another guest appearance.

Normally while I'm under the end table, I can spy on my human at the desk, and listen to the "click click click" noise that the keyboard makes. I find this to be very soothing for some very strange "iguana reason" that I find difficult to explain. This morning, however, my human wasn't at the desk. Unusual.

All of a sudden, I started hearing all these strange noises coming from
overhead!!! Could it be The Evil Lawn Men again or possible The Hardwood Floor Men With Their Diabolical Floor Sanding Machines??? Well let me tell you, I had NO intention of coming out to investigate!! They might actually FIND me this time if I did, and besides, my human wasn't at the desk to protect me. I just laid very, very still until all the strange noises eventually stopped. HA HA HA!!! No one can EVER find me in my super secret hiding place!!! Not even THE EVIL LAWN MEN!! I'm INVISIBLE! I'm right under your nose, and you can't even see me!! HA HA HA!!

Eventually, everything got very, very quiet, and quite dark. Now, I KNOW that "lights out" isn't until 8 PM, so something wasn't quite right, but there was NO way I was coming out until I was absolutely SURE that there weren't any Evil Men with Evil Machines lurking nearby, waiting to get me.

Finally, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I was sooooooo hungry.
When I came out of my super secret hiding place, the first thing I noticed was that the office was very dark, and my human, the desk, and the keyboard were GONE!!!! It had to have been those EVIL LAWN MEN, I tell you!! They came for my human!! That must have been what all those noises were!!! What am I going to do now??? I'd better get up on my perch, like, NOW. That's right.... I'm an iguana... Being up high is GOOD...

I jumped up on my couch... OH NO!!!!! Two of the cushions are GONE!! What the heck is going on here??? Oh... At least my food is still on the third
cushion. WHEW! That's a relief! I'd better get topside before anything else STRANGE happens in here. I can always eat more later.

WHERE IS MY RAMP??? My ramp, perch, heating pad, and special lighting are all GONE!! No WONDER it seems dark in here. Where the HECK are my webcams??? Maybe if I shut my eyes and turn my head, when I open them again, everything will be back to normal...

...

Nope... That didn't help....

All of a sudden, my human came into the room. WHEW! What a relief to see
him!! He came over and rubbed my head. I shut my eyes like I always do, and wondered if he noticed all of the things that were missing from the office..

HEY, WHAT THE...

My human picked me up, and took me out of the office. I was VERY tempted to bite or scratch him. Was this REALLY my human? Had my human's double been grown in a pod placed at the side of his bed by The Evil Lawn Men the previous evening while he slept????

Suddenly, my human plopped me down, and I found myself in some strange room at the bottom of........ MY RAMP! Huh? How can this be? Am I in some kind of alternate universe, like the Star Trek episode where the "bad" Spock has the little goatee???

*blink*

< Time passes... >

*blink* *blink*

< Time Passes... >

*lick*

< Still More Time Passes...>

STOMP STOMP STOMP

I climbed the ramp. Sure enough my lights, heating pad, UV tube, digital
thermometer... They were all up there. Everything. Just like before. VERY
strange...

I looked down my perch, and saw my freshly filled food bowl on a towel on the floor. I also noticed that my tray was against a wall. And what's that...?

HEY!!! It's my HUMAN! He doesn't have a goatee, so I think things may be okay! And he's at the desk, making those "click click click" noises on the keyboard!

WOW! Look at my monitor!! It's right in front of a window! I bet I can get on top of there and have a GREAT view outside!

I may be in some kind of alternate iguana universe now, but this doesn't seem like it's going to be too bad after all.

I'm KING! KING of the perch I tell you!! That's right! I am, and don't you EVER forget it!! And don't even THINK about touching my tail, because I KNOW when you're even THINKING about it. DON'T TOUCH MY TAIL!!!!

PLOP!

ZZZzzzZZZzzz