Well...
Things have been pretty quiet here in
Stamford
,
CT.
Not much has been happening, but I have been VERY interested in all
the snow outside. After all, I have the perfect vantage point from atop
my computer monitor. My human won't let me outside to investigate
though. He even put something over the *NEW* windows and trim, so I
can't climb them. It bums me out a bit, but I still have a
GREAT view outside. I enjoy looking out the window ( and am slowly
beginning to grasp the concept of *GLASS*), but I am NOT excited when
Mr. Snow Plow Man makes a guest appearance.
My human has been a bit edgy lately. Something about a "code
orange" terrorism alert, and living 40 miles outside
New York City
. I don't know what that's all about. I'm an iguana, so I'm more
concerned about more important things, like if green beans are going to
magically appear in my food bowl.
My legs are orange now, and I haven't been myself. I'm VERY
restless, and I don't know why. If only I could get outside...
A good portion of my day involves plotting how to get up to the top
of that damn ceiling fan. I spend HOURS examining the room, trying to
find something to climb or jump to, to get me up there. I even try to
climb my human, but he doesn't like that very much. I especially like to
try to climb him when he's wearing a RED shirt. I mean, he looks like a
friggin' CHERRY, so what does he
expect??? (I LIKE red things..:) ).
Yesterday, I LEAPT from my computer chair to get to the top of the
file cabinet. I made a slight miscalculation in trajectory, and came
down HARD. My human was very concerned, but I just looked at him, like,
"Huh?" Then he made some lame geek joke about how I was lucky
I didn't have faulty heat shield tiles. I showed him though. When he
left the room, I proceeded to clear a shelf of about 50 or so CDs.
Actually, I was aiming them for my tray (which was dirty at the time),
but I just missed it. My human is constantly ASTOUNDED at the trouble I
can get myself into. I'll also claw at my UVB tube for HOURS on end.
My webcams are going constantly. People from all over the world
check up on me to see what I'm up to. It's quite amazing, actually. If
the web cam machine goes down (which it rarely does) and the picture
freezes, my human starts getting a flood of emails from other humans all
over the world that say stuff like "OH MY GOD!! IS HE OKAY??? HE
HASN'T MOVED SINCE YESTERDAY, AND I CAN'T SEE HIM BREATHING!!!" My
human chuckles at this, and tells me how famous I am. Me?
I
just bob my head. I'm an Iguana. It's my job. And being up HIGH is good.
So are parsnips.
In fact, when I bob my head, my human usually says "That's
right! You're the big lizard!" It's gotten to the point that if I
bob my head and he doesn't say this, I GLARE at him.
But, I guess what I really care about is the contents of my food
bowl. I'll eat ANYTHING my human offers me. When I'm hungry or my food
isn't fresh enough for my liking, I'll look down at the dish from my
perch, and then GLARE pitifully at my human. If I do this enough times,
eventually he gets the message.
He's
figured out that hand feeding me when I'm up on my perch is NOT an
option. Especially if it's a treat I really like, like bread. He knows.
He'll just toss it up there, and take a step back before I pounce on it.
I think I have him trained rather well, don't you think?
NO ONE'S higher than me!!! NO ONE!!! Not even Ozzy Osborne or that
stupid Dell computer kid!!! I'm KING! KING of the perch I tell you! Look
at me. HEY!!! I said LOOK AT ME!!! I'm an INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR!!!
Don't touch my tail.... DON'T TOUCH MY TAIL!!!!
FLOP!
ZZZzzzZZZ
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